We’re extremely disturbed by these photos of Urban Meyer’s home | This is the Loop

But 27 photos? TWENTY-#$%^#$-SEVEN?! All of them surrounding some creepy Tim Burton-at-his-most-depressed-looking “flower”? That is pathological. And Urban Meyer put every one of them out. Every last one. This man should not be working around young adults.

Here’s the thing with family photos: Typically, they’re placed strategically in homes at regular intervals, in such a way that they’re not blocking other photos. Why? Because family photos are meant to be looked at. That’s the entire purpose of family photography. But—stop us if I’m getting too advanced here—when you place one photo in front of another photo, you can no longer see the photo behind it, which defeats the purpose of photography in general. To put it in terms Urban Meyer might understand, it’s like lining up all five of your offensive lineman behind your running back, then calling endless hand-offs. The important elements in this scheme are in the wrong place. (Actually, we’re wondering now if that’s literally happening in Jacksonville…)

Honestly, though, that”s only a complaint about the utility of this coffee table set-up. The more important thing is that it’s just batshit insane to put 27 photos on a coffee table, and hints at a deeply disturbed and possibly dangerous mind. We know Jeannie Blaylock was probably taken by surprise on this visit, and her tweet is likely a call for help, but to us, she was derelict in not immediately phoning the police.

The rest isn’t much better. Not to go too heavy on film references, but the experience of viewing that pool, with the inflated pelicans, is like being alone in the middle of the forest late at night while watching the most nightmarish David Lynch movie. (Why does the one flamingo have a shark fin?) Also, why does the entire living room look like it belongs in some grandma’s house that two detectives visit briefly while investigating a murder, and the grandma offers them tea but then poisons the tea?